The Shape of Home - M

When M was adopted at 5 years old, he couldn’t walk or feed himself. His infancy was filled with trauma that he did not remember. As a result, lots of his behaviors were out of his control.

“I grew up Pentecostal, but I grew up in a toxic Christian household. I grew up with ‘You’re not allowed to make any mistakes, you can’t be your own person. Oh, you’re exploring your sexuality? Cool–here’s a bible verse and a peanut butter sandwich. You’re going to hell.’”

M got a job at 17 and found an apartment. Soon afterward his roommate stopped paying rent. He was evicted and left without a place to sleep. M could’ve gone back to his adopted family if he wanted but didn’t feel like that was his home. Instead, he was homeless for 5 years in Kentucky.

“I felt so alone [in Kentucky]. I felt so alone, I barely spoke to anybody. Books became my best friend. I used to love reading. I am getting back into reading now. I’m finding books everywhere. I’m starting my own little library in my apartment and I love it. Books became my escape. I became a maladaptive daydreamer, which means I can listen to music and I can daydream a scenario about it. I am constantly daydreaming. I am constantly in a different world.” 

M found escape through a person who offered warmth in a difficult time, a supervisor at work who gave him a stuffed dinosaur. “I am… unofficially her adopted child. She’s like ‘I’m gonna take care of you because your parents refuse to.’” 

“She makes me feel so safe. She makes me feel like I actually matter. When I make a mistake at work, she’ll be like ‘Hey, you goofed. Here’s what you should have done instead.’ Instead of like when I’d make a mistake in Kentucky they’d be like ‘Oh, well, you did that on purpose because you just want attention.’”

M felt accepted in California as soon as he arrived in San Diego 2 years ago.

“When I got here I felt like I was finally home. When I got off the Greyhound bus after three days it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again. I didn’t have to look over my shoulder to make sure no one was going to criticize me.” 

For M the shape of home is a clear reminder of how tiring it is to be on the move.

“For me, home is a pillow. As long as I have a safe spot to lay my head at night. Home is a support system that I can count on, that I can drop a text saying ‘Hey I don’t know if I can deal with this right now,’ and they’ll drop whatever they’re doing and come help me. Home for me is a sense of feeling safe and not having to worry if I am safe or my things are safe. I found that when I came here and I’m continuing to find it daily.” 

“It’s an unspoken promise, ‘I’ve got you. You’re safe.’”

Shapes of Home is a part of our Children’s Rights Project. If you or someone you know would like to get involved, contact team@teralta.art.

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